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Entries
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
"Keep looking forward.."
"All the merries and sadness.. "
"Embrace them til death finds you." Had no dream today :(
Woke up then fell asleep.
Repeated the same steps about three times before finally getting up.
Slept like a log, with that i didn't went for morning lesson... again.
i'll be wasting my time even if i went, why not use it on others.
Others including, staring at the computer before going to school.
i thought that lesson starts at twelve today, speed up pace to school~
When i was outside the school, i thought to myself.. oh crap, i'm late for ADP again..
But then when i went to the lab, i couldn't find anyone familiar.
Instant call Xavier to ask what happened to ADP...
So its in fact, ADP starts at one today >,<
Here's comes the part where everyone who experience my wrath today, wanted to know what exactly happened.
Even if you don't care, just skip this part then.
Today.
Something happened.
i felt really happy.
it ended happily ever after.
i'll be lying to myself and everyone if i said that was true.
i have planned today to be just me going to ADP lesson to do my stuff.
But NOOOOO, you guys just have to utter some things that pisses me off!
Here's the story...
Xavier persuaded me to go for free period, i planned not to go.
But like he said, just sit around for a few minutes wouldn't hurt.
Yea, i got nothing to lose... so i went.
i regretted going... i really shouldn't have...
Went in. and surprise there was a party held up again.
i was planning to just sit around and hang around with Xavier.
But after awhile, i heard them shouting.
Even though i was blasting my walkman, i could heard exactly what they were shouting.
And it has to be stuffs that irks me.
i have been keeping this inside me for weeks, but i had enough of this feeling i'm fretting over.
I HAD ENOUGH! ENOUGH!!!
Seriously, they just had to shout all those phrases that hurts me alot whenever i'm around.
i don't mind if i'm not around, seriously why should i care?
i'm not trying to make them my enemies, i wouldn't even dream of!
But this is just too much for me to handle...
i only told my situational to both of my two trusted friends, Xavier and DoM.
Only they know what kind of situation i'm in..
Before the party even begins, i told Xavier that i'm leaving.
But he pursued me again to stay, and i promised him i would.
i broke the promise, and left.
If i didn't left and all those words continue to be heard by my ears.
i would send punches into their faces, i swear i would if i didn't left.
Not just punches, we would be no friends no more..
i had to leave if not i'm afraid i would lose myself back there.
So you wanna know what's that stupid feeling that i'm experiencing every SINGLE day?
yes i capital locked that word on purpose, it's not just today, but every SINGLE day!
Whenever i heard them saying about...
You guys should know who you are if your reading this.
Again, i wouldn't want to be your enemy, but if you guys still don't know what's going on.
i will bet on the day, we will be and i would hate all of you for life!
The feeling that always uncontrollably gush out..
it's irritating, frustrating, angry and the one i seem to felt the most... jealousy.
i couldn't explained why i felt that.
i wanted to just let it go, forget the past.
But whenever i went to school, i always felt this every day.
i know i deserved this, but the pain is just too big for me to keep it in.
i had to vent it out somewhere, and it's here, my daily journal.
i was thinking of leaving this course for good.
But i wouldn't want to leave my friends...
Xavier and DoM both told me the same thing.
it's not worth it...
But the pain i endured everyday just got worst day by day!
i really had ENOUGH! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
So i went for ADP when it's time.
Went to the gents to cool down but it sure didn't work out.
When i went back, was about to grab my seat and just forget everything.
People just had to irritated me when i'm already angry.
Someone blocked my way on my way back.
i tried to went pass him by the other side.
But then again, NOOOOO... you guys just had to purposely do it.
Without any thoughts, i yelled at him.
Ok ok pause.
i'm not trying to let everyone know that i'm angry or what so ever.
But the words just came out of my mouth without any thoughts!
it's like i'm so angry and wtf you just had to come and disturbed me.
After thinking about what happened today, i started to get angry again.
it's best if i could just trashed away the memories!
i shouldn't have fell in love at first... i really shouldn't...
it's not that i'm trying to tell you guys how miserably i am now.
why would i tell how miserably i am, it's not like any of you cares right?
Your deeply mistaken if you are.
Today, i would just like to vent out all my anger.
Flames or complains, said it directly in my face.
There's mostly words today, no photos or Idol Time.
If you wanted photos, you would see me punching some guys straight in their faces.
Geezzz, i gotta forget today and watch some Lucky Star to cool myself down!
Jay
8:19 PM
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